Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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