You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
