We won't sleep together?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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