I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
