well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
