is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
