i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
