She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
