I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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