I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
