apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
