I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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