I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
