So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
