I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize