Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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