We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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