I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
