just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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