I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
