New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
