My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
