Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
