WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
