We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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