Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
do herpes really smell.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
