He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
