I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
