Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
