Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
