So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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