I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
