dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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