It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
love makes seman taste better
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
