i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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