And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize