My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
