Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
