i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
