I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
