Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
