Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
