hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
