Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
