Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
