when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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