my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
