and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
