then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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