I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
