Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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