You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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