So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize