sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
