I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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