come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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