so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
