so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
