I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
