I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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