remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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