I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
