guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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