I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
