Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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