I heard we made out
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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