Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
