Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
