He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
