I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
