One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
