proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You are a genius and a whore.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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