I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
