So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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